What's the Frequency, Bella?
by SharonButtah
Summary: Bella feels she is doomed to a mundane life with Jake. Her only solace is her writing while listening to her favorite radio DJ. Edward doesn't know where his life is going, settles for a job as a DJ. What happens when he finds out he is Bella's muse?
1. Chapter 1 Song Sung Blue

**We own nothing it's all S Meyer.** **co written with RogueSyrene.**

I glance the clock on the bedside table. Two in the fucking morning, finally the sound of his snores grace my ears. I can finally leave this room without worrying him or more importantly waking him. I squirm out of his unwanted embrace and slip out of the bedroom, peeling off my sweatshirt and pants. I get so hot at night but it's better than having his hands all over my body, skin to skin contact is not something I can take anymore. I turn on my laptop and fumble with the dials on the radio turning it to my favorite station and start to write. I'm soon lost in my stories of true loves, soul mates, and happily ever afters. Those are the stories that I long to be in not to write about, unfortunately I have known for years that my story is already written and the ending isn't happy or sad it's just there and unavoidable.

I wish I could say that I had some sad story as to why my life is the way it is but I don't. Simply put I'm a coward, scared of disappointing and hurting the people in my life. What make it worse is that the more I live my life for those people the more I hate them for it. I feel like there is no one in the world that I can turn, I've never been good with people the only real friend I ever had is Jake., and I can't even call him that anymore. The problem with Jake is that I think I hate him more with each day that passes. I never had much support from my family I was always the parent never the child. My mother is a flake and is busy living her life far away from me. My father Charlie can't see past his own nose to know how unhappy I am he just sees what he wants. They are all I have left which only makes me more pathetic and alone.

I often wonder how I let things get so complicated with Jake. I don't love him. I never did, and I never will. He was my best friend and now I really think that I might hate him for forcing himself upon my life. It started off innocent enough. He kissed me, I didn't kiss him back and I thought that should have been enough to stop whatever he wanted between us but it wasn't. That day haunts me all the time as I often think back to what I could have done differently, what I could have said to stop this all before it started.

Jake and I where enjoying the first bonfire of the spring down at first beach on the La Push res. Jake was acting strange all night I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wasn't going to like what was about to happen. My suspicions were confirmed when Jake requested that we take a walk down the beach to talk in private. Jake was nervously glancing over his shoulder to make sure that we were far enough out of sight of the rest of the group. Once he determined that we had gone far enough he grabbed my arm to stop me. Before I knew what was happening he kissed me hard, shoving his grubby tongue down my throat.

"_Jake don't" I pleaded while bringing my sleeve up to wipe his slobber off my face. _

"_Why not Bells? That was great kiss I know you felt it too." He was smiling so big I hated to break his heart. _

"_No it wasn't I don't feel like that about you Jake. You. Are. A. Friend. That's it. Please don't make this harder than it has to be" _

"_NO!" He cried. "Bella when you are going to realize that you love me." _

_I felt his lips crush against mine again, his hot breath in my mouth I tried to pull away but he is stronger than me. I went limp in his arms when he finally pulls away he looks me deep in the eyes. _

"_See Bella, I told you we are meant to be together" He said with conviction. _

_He was still staring at me with his dark eyes with my finally bust of courage I looked him straight in eyes and told him. _

"_No Jake we aren't I don't love you" _

_He smirked at me and replied while patting me on the head like a little lost puppy. _

"_Yes you do and you'll see we will be together." _

The next night at supper Charlie was eyeing me suspiciously and kept asking me if there was something I wanted to talk to him about.

_"So Bells, how was the bonfire last night? Anything happen of interest?" he was grinning at me over his plate of steak and potatoes. _

_"Ummm. No.. not really just a bonfire. The was fire? and uh wood?" _

_"That not what I heard down at the station today." Charlie said smiling bigger then I had ever seen before. _

_"Ummm... What did you hear?" I asked nervously suddenly not feeling much like eating. _

_"Bells if you want to date Jake there is no reason to be nervous I love that kid like a son I couldn't be happier about the two of you. Your finally together there is no reason to hide that from your old man." _

I tried to tell him I wasn't dating Jake and that I never would. I didn't think of Jake in that way but he just kept saying "Oh Bella give the Kid a chance he's crazy about you." After a month or two of Billy and Charlie's impromptu set ups and Jake's endless phone calls and attempts at "wooing" me I gave in and agreed to date Jake. Dating Jake seemed to make sense at first, I might not love him but I was comfortable around him and it would only be for a few months until I left for college. This meant a lot to Charlie too, he was always so worried about me and was happy I would have Jake around to look out for me. So I figured what could a few months of dating hurt? I was wrong. Those few months of dating would change my life forever.

Five years later and I'm still stuck in a relationship with Jake that I really never wanted to be a part of. When I left for college I told Jake long distance was just too hard to do and tired my best to brake it off. That summer was hard for me, Jake was constantly telling me that it could work he would move anywhere just to be with me. My reprieve came in the fall after I moved and the phone call started to drop off. I had hoped that he was finally getting the picture and getting over me. I felt so free no longer a slave to what other people wanted, finally able to move on with my life and just be Bella. Until about 4 month after the school year started. I came home to find Jake sitting on the steps to my apartment building suit case in hand.

"_Jake what are you doing here?" _

"_Bella I can't take being away from you anymore, I was able to take some extra classes to graduate early so here I am. I know we haven't talked much lately but I have been busting my ass to finish school so we can finally start our life together. You know what they say absence make the heart grow fonder and Bella I realized that I love you so much I don't know what would happen to me without you." _

_He looked at me with those big dopey eyes of his so full of love I didn't know what else to do so I hugged him and invited him in. _

I should have told him right then and there that I didn't love him and I wanted him to go but I couldn't break his heart like that so I just smiled. Four years later he's still here and I'm still just smiling, I have tried to get it across to him many times that I don't love him without actually saying it and breaking his heart but he just doesn't get the hint. I sometimes wonder if he thinks this is how all relationships are I hope not. I don't kiss him unless he kisses me first and even then I don't kiss back. He tells me he loves me I just smile and say nothing. I insist that we have separate rooms but he always ends up crawling in to bed with me. I won't have sex with him no matter what he says or does, I told him I'm saving my self for marriage, yet I make it clear that I'm not ready for a proposal. You would think that all these thing would give him a hint or paint a clear picture of how I feel but they don't. Not to him. However as much as I hate him now I still can't break his or Charlie's heart. I am a coward doomed my mistakes I've made silenced by the fear of correcting them.

**A/N**

**This is our first story I hope you all like it lets us know what you think. This was written on a Slurpee/Brownie high. Enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2 Enter Sandman

**We own nothing all S Meyer**

EPOV

I love the night, so calm, peaceful and free from the annoying sounds of everyday life and the endless chatter of people that fill the daylight hours. I flip the switch on the soundboard smoothly changing from Mozart to Metallica. It's almost 3 am, only a few hours left on my shift, I love my job and the hours just seem to fly by. I cue up the next few songs before slipping on the headphones and losing myself in the music and my thoughts. Lately I've been feeling as though there is something missing in my life, like I'm a puzzle missing that last piece though for the life of I can't figure out what it is. My mother and sister would have me believe it's a career, but I know it's not that. I'm happy with my job, sure being a DJ isn't as glamorous as being a doctor or lawyer like my parents wanted me to be but it pays the bills and up until recently I've felt that my life was complete.

I really do love my job, I work the graveyard shift at the local radio station. I'm known as DJ Midnight Sun a name that was given to me by the station manager my first week on the job after I had failed to pick something awe inspiring for myself, apparently Edward doesn't really provoke any vision of hot radio DJ god in the eyes of my listeners. I hardly think that my listeners care what I'm called as most people don't listen to the radio this late but it works to my advantage it gives me the freedom to cater to my unique musical taste. While my boss had offered many times to move me to a more coveted time slot I gently refused his offer as I preferred to work alone and I didn't want to follow stringent daytime standards. After I refused his offer for what must've been the fifth time he nodded his head with understanding and told me it was a shame to be wasting my rich velvet voice on less than stellar air time. I chuckled when he told me this but refused once again to budge from my spot, while a daytime slot would result in a wage increase it would also result in more responsibility and I was happy with a job that didn't seem much like work to me in the first place.

It's not that I had anything against hard work I just felt like I was at a point in life where I wanted to sit back and let things happen as they may. I worked hard all through college and I was halfway through a law degree when I got bored and switched to medicine. I put in a few years before realizing that wasn't right for me either, the only degree I had enough credit to get was in physiology and we all know how useful that can be. I'm can honestly say that I'm happy with my life overall. I have nice apartment, easy job and good friends, what else could I guy want? Well maybe a girlfriend but I never trouble finding someone to release some tension with me when needed.

I glance at the clock again it's just about 4:30 am, the morning crew will be here soon. They are interesting pair Jasper and Tanya, I've known Jasper since I started here 4 years ago and Tanya joined him about a year ago. Jasper is the is the best friend I have, I used to hang out here with him through most of his shift, picking apart his choices in music and mocking his "witty" banter but that stopped since Tanya started last year. Tanya is a nice enough girl but the way she looks at me she makes me…. well uncomfortable to say the least. Don't get me wrong I'm used to girls throwing themselves at me, not that I'm a Greek sex god by any means but I have been blessed with some good DNA and I can turn on the charm when needed. Tanya however doesn't just throw herself at me she looks me up and down like I'm something to eat, always whispering in my ear that she's not wearing any panties to work and acts like she owns me. Not that I haven't thought of tapping that, she's hot enough I guess strawberry blonde, nice legs, and she would have a decent face if she didn't have her makeup set to whore every morning. I guess that why she's on the radio instead of TV because there is no way she could be on TV without a 1-900 number below her face. Jasper keeps bugging me to just do her already because he thinks she's in heat. The only reason she stopped making advances at him is because she is dating my little sister and for someone so small she can be very intimidating. I remember the day she came in here to confront Tanya about her unwanted attention to her boyfriend, I don't think I've ever seen Tanya look so scared. Unfortunately ever since then Tanya has been solely focused on me and I cringed while recalling her latest advances.

My thoughts were interrupted by Jasper banging on the window, he smiles at me and I motion for him to come in. I give my standard sign off and cue up the last few songs to finish my shift. I take off the headphones and hand them over to Jasper. He sets down his coffee and hands me a slurpee.

"It's all yours man." I said while taking a long sip.

Jasper looks at me and shakes his head "I still don't know how you can drink those things in the morning."

I point to his coffee. "You have your caffeine, I have mine." I take another sip nothing beats a Dr. Pepper Slurpee.

"Is Tanya here yet?" I ask looking around.

"Nope" he said popping the "p".

"Good I'm out of here before she can tell me what kind of syrup she wants to lick off me".

I hear Jasper's laughter fill the room as I stroll out of the office slurpee in hand and into the early morning. I pause briefly to watch the sunrise from the bridge across the street from the station. It's a good start/end to my day and I head back to my apartment pushing back that nagging feeling of incompleteness and smile.

**A/N Thanks to those have reviewed this is our first attempt so any feedback is welcomed.**


	3. Chapter 3 Misery

We own nothing all .

All Beta work done by PTB. Thanks So much

**Chapter 3 Misery**

Jake was due home any minute now I was flitting around the kitchen and trying to get supper ready. Bringing the spoon to my mouth, I tasted the pasta. It was perfect. I remember back to a time when I used to love to cook. Jake inhales his food so fast I don't really see a point in making anything special or putting effort in to it. He never notices. I drained the pasta and turned down the sauce to a simmer. Hearing the front door open, I looked up. Jake was home.

"Hey Bells, I'm home." Jake's voice booms thought the apartment; he always feels the need to announce his presences.

He moves to kiss me and I quickly turn my head so he kisses my cheek and not my lips. He frowns slightly at the missed kiss. I turn around to stir the sauce; looking into his eyes only intensifies the guilt I feel.

"Hey, spaghetti is ready and it's on the stove. Dig in."

He starts to drape his arms around my shoulders but I quickly duck out of them. Again he frowns at me and gives me a questioning look. I don't know why he keeps trying. I rarely let him touch me, hoping that he will get that message that I'm trying to push him away.

"You're dirty and I don't want you touching me," _Ever._ I add silently in my head and then curse myself again for being such a coward. "Now go wash up and eat."

He trudges down to the bathroom as I grab myself a plate. I haven't had much of an appetite in so long I can tell I've lost weight. Jake comes back from the bathroom as I'm pushing my food around the plate. He grabs the rest of the spaghetti and sits across from me. I'm pretty sure that he had the fork to his mouth before he was sitting down. Watching Jake eat is like watching a snake eat a hippo-disgusting, but it's hard not to watch. He has sauce everywhere and he's slurping so loudly, I'm even less hungry now than I was before. When he finally comes up for air, all he says is "You gonna eat that?" and points to my plate. I smile and push my plate towards him telling him to "Go ahead I'm full." Thirty second later, he has finished both of our suppers and burps loudly.

"Well Bells, I'm going out," he announces, wiping his face on his sleeve. "Don't wait up."

Cue the smile and the wave and he's out of the door. I take in a deep breath. I always feel like I can breathe easier when he is gone.

Jake goes out a lot. Maybe he can sense how uncomfortable I am with him here or maybe he's just a jerk. It's one or the other; I'm just not sure which. Grabbing the plates from the table, I throw them in the dishwasher. It's only eight o'clock and it's times like these I wish I still had friends or somewhere to go. But I have nothing. God, I'm depressing, aren't I? _Enough with the pity party, it's not going to help or change anything._ I change in to my comfy clothes and grab my laptop. My book was finished months ago, but I still can't help but look it over at least twice a day. Having sent some sample chapter away is making me nervous, I can't help wonder if I missed something, and wondering if anyone but me would ever want to read it. An idea for a second book has been rattling around my head for awhile now, but all I can do right now is just outline it. If the first book is a failure I don't think I'll have it in me to finish a second, and I just can't stand an unfinished story. With a sigh I put my computer down and begin to pick up after Jake, jumpsuit in the hall, and grease covered handprints on the wall_._

I wish I could just shut off my brain for awhile, I would be happier without it. I know I've made bad life choices; I don't need to keep going over them in my head. They play back like a bad song on repeat. Thinking about "what ifs" never did anybody any good, I can't change the past. I can only live in the present and try not to think about the future.

Time seems to crawl by as I stare at the TV, not really watching, just staring. I startle when I hear Jake's truck pulling up. As quick as I can I turn off the TV and dash into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I throw on the sweater and pants I sleep in and crawl into bed, taking up as much room as I possibly can. I close my eyes and concentrate on evening out my breathing, when I hear Jake crack open the door.

"Bella?" he whispers in to the room. "Are you awake?"

I make a kind of snoring sound, and roll to take up more room on the bed, hoping he will opt to sleep in his own room tonight. When I hear the shuffling of his clothes I know it's not going to happen. He walks over to the bed and pokes me in the side.

"Bella, baby move over, you're hogging the bed."

I try not to move but all I want to do is scowl at him. It's my bed; I can hog it if I want to. His bed is in his room, why can't he sleep there?

I move slightly and kind of mumble a no; he pokes me again and then just climbs in shoving me over to make room for his hulking frame. He tries to snuggle in to me, but I flip on to my stomach and clutch my pillow. Why can't he take a hint? I don't want him here. I hear him sigh and roll over. Now all that's left is to wait for Jake to fall asleep. When he finally does, I make my escape out to the living room, on to my computer and in to my stories. My radio program is only just beginning so I get to hear the DJ sign on. He has a lovely voice, it's a shame he doesn't say more. Soon the perfect music fills the room and I begin to plot my next book and dream of a better tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4 I Will Survive

We own nothing all S Meyer.

All beta work done by PTB they rock!

**Chapter 4 I Will Survive**

It was thick, that was a good sign - none of the others had been this thick. How can something so simple be so scary? My mind screamed at me to touch it, but my hands were too shaky to do so. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths -it was now or never.

This envelope could change everything for me. I'd sent queries to every publisher I could think of to see if any of them were interested in the books I'd spent the last few years writing. I had heard back from four who wanted to take a look at my manuscript. Three of them had already let me know that while my writing style was "adequate", it just wasn't what they were looking for at moment in time. This was my last hope. Letting out the breath I'd been holding I opened the envelope, and quickly scanned the pages inside. They liked it, they really liked it! My eyes began to water and I let out a scream. Meyer Publishing was going to publish my book, I was going to be an author, and I was going to have my name, my face on the back of a book. _Take that, Charlie and Jake! Oh, and while I'm at it- a big "Fuck you" to my high school guidance counselor! _I couldn't remember the last time I had been this happy. I probably reread this letter about ten times, committing it to memory.

I heard the front door open, and Jake walked in. I excitedly showed him my letter.

"Wow, Bells, that's great," he deadpans, throwing his keys on the table, and opening the fridge to get a beer. I can just feel the hurt, and anger of the last few years building up inside of me. He doesn't care.

"That is IT!" I shouted at him. "I show you a letter saying that I'm going to be published, and you don't even care!"

"I said it was great, didn't I?" he fired back.

"You could at least _pretend_ to be excited for me, Jake. This isn't just 'great', this is… wonderful, magical, life-changing, this is my dream come true! All you can muster up for me is a 'that's great'?" I said, mimicking him.

"Fuck, Bella!" he said throwing his hands up the air. "What do you expect, from me? I've had a long day, and all I want to do is shower, grab a beer and watch some TV." He sighed heavily, "Did you at least make me anything for supper?"

All I could do was stare at him, my mouth gaping but no sounds coming out. I have known Jake for a long time - sure, I might kind of hate him now, but I have never been really angry with him before. Until now that is.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then." He grumbled something under this breath before pulling off his greasy coveralls and throwing them on the floor as he headed for the bathroom. Oh no, he was not going to get away with this he cannot just treat me like that, and walk away. I had put up with a lot over the years, but this took the cake. He just stomped all over my happy buzz because he had had a hard day. No offer to celebrate or to take me out, nothing - just 'that's great, where's my supper'. I stomped towards the bathroom and opened the door; I was not going to take this laying down. I walked into the room and flushed the toilet, making the shower water unnaturally hot. I was rewarded for my efforts by a yelping Jake. _Excellent._ I smiled to myself; if he thought this was over he was wrong. I was though taking his shit.

"Fuck Bells, What the hell? I'm trying to take a shower." he said from behind the shower curtain. I reached out and grabbed the curtain, throwing it open.

"That, Jake was for taking my dream and my mood and killing it," I spat at him.

"Oh, for Christ sake. Are you still on that?" he frowns at me. "I'm happy for you, - really I am, but I don't see why you had to go and do this, it wasn't part of our plans."

"Our plans? _Our plans?" _I narrow my eyes at him "What fucking plans are those?" I was yelling now, but I don't think I could have stopped even if I had wanted to; all those years of living a life I didn't want were coming to a boil.

"You know, Bella, marriage, kids. I figured that once you've got all this writing nonsense out of your head, we could settle down, and move back home. I could open up my own garage like I wanted and, you wouldn't have to work, just raise our kids." He looked at me with those big doe eyes of his, but this time I wouldn't be sucked in by them. This was my chance, to stop being a coward and start living.

"No, Jake, those aren't "our" plans, those are _your_ plans. _Yours_! They don't include me, because I don't want that! I never did. I do not love you! I never have. You are my _friend_, and that's all. After all that has happened these last few years I don't know if I can even call you that anymore." By this time tears where streaming down my face. "I don't want to marry you, Jake, and wouldn't want to bring kids into whatever this fucked-up relationship of ours is. You would think the fact that we have never had sex _ever_ would clue you in, but nooo, obviously it hasn't." My face feels hot, it's probably bright red and my throat is getting sore. "I don't love you, Jake." My chest was heaving I was breathing so hard at this point I thought I might pass out. How did I let it get this bad? All I wanted was for everyone I care about to be happy.

"Bella, you don't mean that. The sex thing isn't a big deal, I know you want to wait for marriage and I accept that." He sounded so pitiful, but I could not back down now.

"No, Jake, I mean it. Every word, I can't do this anymore. I'm done. We are _done_" I slammed the door to the bathroom and went running across _my_ apartment, into Jake's room, throwing all his clothes in a duffel bag for him. I couldn't stay one more night in this apartment with him. Since I had nowhere to go and no one to call, I wanted him out now. I threw some of his clothes into bathroom and set the bag by the front door, pacing back and forth waiting for him to come out and face me. Jake didn't come out of the bathroom until about twenty minutes later, looking very confused.

"I packed all your clothes in a bag by the door, you need to leave now." I stated point towards the door.

"Bella, come on, don't be like this." He whined at me like a child.

"I'm not being anything but me, Jake, and I have wanted you out for a long time, I moved here to just be Bella." My voice getting louder that more I have to talk to him. "I didn't invite you. You pushed your way back into my life and now I'm _finally_ pushing back." At times like I really wish my temper wasn't wired to my tear ducts. I don't want him to think I'm crying over him. I'm crying because of him. "Writing is everything to me and to hear you say such selfish things to me about my dream finally coming true – well, it was all I needed hear. Get out, Jake, get out and don't come back unless it's for your things."

"Bella, come on."

"No, I won't 'come on' I don't love and I want you out of my house! I'm done talking to you. Now leave before I say some very hateful things to you I'm sure you don't want to hear."

"Fine, Bella, I'll go; but don't come crying back to me when you realize what a mistake this is. No one will ever love you like I do!"

With that he slammed the door, and I was finally alone. I felt lighter and sick to my stomach all at once. I sank to my knees, and I cried. I cried for all the wasted years, for all the sacrifices, for being such a coward, for all the mistakes made and for losing my best friend. I couldn't believe I had done that. What was Charlie going to say? Where would Jake go? _No_. I had to stop thinking like that; it was what had gotten me in this mess in the first place. I had to start thinking about me, about who Bella Swan was and what she wanted out of life. I reached up for the radio; it was late enough now for my favorite DJ to be on. I heard the tail end of the perfect song to sum up how I was feeling:

_Cause I'm not your princess.__  
__This ain't a fairytale.__  
__I'm gonna find someone some day.__  
__Who might actually treat me well.__  
__This is a big world,__  
__That was a small town__  
__There in my rearview mirror,__  
__disappearing now.__  
__And it's too late for you and your White Horse__  
__To catch me now._

I swear this DJ could read my mind, I had written my entire book to the music he played. It always fit my moods so well, and tonight was no exception. I let out a loud sigh. It was sad that the person that knew me best was a radio DJ who I had never met and didn't even know I existed. DJ Midnight Sun seemed to have a window into my soul; I wished I had a real person I could talk to who knew me as well as he seemed to. I shook all those thoughts out of my head. I was done feeling sorry for myself. Kicking Jake out had only been the first step to putting me first in my life and, I have a lot preparing to do. Walking back to my room, I look at my bed and, know I will be sleeping alone tonight. I stripped down to my underwear and hopped in enjoying the feeling of soft fabric of the sheet against my skin. Tomorrow would be a big day, tomorrow would be a fresh start for me. Tomorrow I was going to start the rest of my life. Smiling I closed my eyes and let the DJ's songs lull me to the first good night of sleep I had had in a very long time.


End file.
